just one square

I've mentioned before how much it bothers me when people clog up my pipes with a huge wad of toilet paper. One of my favorite musicians, Sheryl Crow, suggested "I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting." Now she says she was just kidding, that it was just a joke proferred to raise awareness about global warming. But you know, it's not such a ridiculous idea.

You're probably thinking, "But Downtown Toilet, you should see the mess I make back there. And I'm too old to be walking around with skidmarks on my chones, even if it is to save the environment."

Here's how. Just watch this video, which shows you how to wipe your ass using just one square of two-ply toilet paper:



And if that doesn't get it all, then by all means, wrap your fist in toilet paper and have at it. But at least try this. Just remember to wash your hands afterwards!

downtown toilet humor

Three sorority girls were talking one morning about how drunk they were at a party the night before.

1st sorority girl: I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.

2nd sorority girl: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!

3rd sorority girl: That's nothing. I was so drunk, instead of going home, I went to the wrong house and wound up sleeping with my next door neighbor!

1st sorority girl: No, you don't understand! Chunks is my dog.

i'm for real

A fake downtown blog was discovered and another blog wants to know when I start blogging. Someone, please tell them I'm here, I'm open, and I'm blogging!

temporary doorman

Made a new friend today. My door was malfunctioning, couldn't figure out why it kept doing that. No one wanted to use me because of the lack of privacy. But the Town Crier hung out for a while, holding the door shut for people. What a guy.